Motherhood for me started from the moment I realized there was a human growing in my womb. Or let’s just say from the moment I decided I wanted to become a mother. I mean, no one could not tell me shit. In my mind, I was already pregnant and full of joy.
Carrying you felt good. I had no sickness apart from that one time when I selectively chose to eat an entire large box of Kebab, from a Kebab shop in Tottenham. That day I hadn’t eaten since morning, and I felt like I needed the most. Besides that, I felt great throughout.
I had to birth you in the hospital because you were my first. Although that was not a bother to me the way it bothered me with your sibling. I also did clinic instead of going private but shortly realized that was not necessary. However, I continued, to avoid any hiccups for when it was time to give birth. Going clinic taught me a lot, and I used that to my advantage when I got pregnant with your sibling. I literally purchased everything that I needed to do my own checkups at home, took my own notes as well as go to a private Doctor. This was liberating as f***.
This is the birth story of my oldest daughter.
When I was 41 weeks pregnant, I got induced, because they were not allowing me to go past this time. At 41 weeks I still felt great, Braxton Hicks were very frequent but not painful and I was very active. If I had known what I know now, the younger me would have never allowed herself to be medically induced. I got to the hospital around 7 pm and around 8:30 pm I was induced with a cervical sweep. It felt more like an assault and it hurt a lot, at that moment I felt like the nurse did not like me for whatever reason. That woman was rough and being in that position, I got scared for my child’s life.
Shortly after the cervical sweep (approximately 25 minutes), I started experiencing pain. When the midwife checked my progress, I was about 3 centimeters dilated. It was then optioned to burst my water bag because of how slow I was progressing. I am not 100% sure what brought on the pain but what I know is after they burst your water bag the pain came frequently and was very strong. I had to labor on the bed, I was not allowed to walk around or come off the bed, not even to use the washroom… That pain was a lot sharper compared to the pain I experienced with your sibling.
My Delivery.
Your father was at my side all this time, same for your sibling. It did not take long before it was time to welcome you earthside. I know I pushed more than 10 times but I do not have a fixed figure in my head due to how intense the pain was.
The mood for the birthing team that day was something else. I can only imagine while they were in meeting the conversation ended with something like, “Alright let’s get these babies delivered as soon as possible.” I still at times question what was the necessity of clipping my private part, (unknown to me), then holler at me, “Mommy you misbehaving!” when I gasp in shock from the pain.
Some healthcare providers are hilarious. Of course, I know why it was done, but I’m not convinced it was needed.
You made your grand entrance earthside around 12am, at 6 lb, healthy as I imagined you to be. I always loved the name Destiny, and when I saw you, I knew Destiny was your name. You did something to me at that exact moment. Despite the “chaos”, I felt softer internally, and high, (like a jolly giddy). I felt like I surrendered to what was going on around me, I felt happy, and I felt at peace.
These are what I experienced when you came earthside. To this day I am forever happy, and your sibling has since fueled these feelings. I am forever grateful.
All gratitude to God.
