Breastfeeding for 6 years plus, was not my goal. What was, was the desire to bond with my babies but also to give them what is naturally theirs. Especially with there being no monetary cost attached. I can recall my mom telling me I was breast fed for 3 plus years. I appreciate being breast fed and that’s a tradition I decided to maintain with mines. When it was time for my first born to start consuming solids around that 6-month mark, the little girl decided she’s not ready. Her decision went on for a year with her only consuming breast milk and nothing else.
This was the point where breastfeeding became draining for me and I could have seen the results in my appearance I also was not eating my best. Being someone who has a very low tolerance for meat/ animal consumption, that also played a role. Nevertheless, my breast milk supply never once ran low and both my kids were very chunky looking. Around 2 years and some months is when she decided to consume food apart from breast milk, with eggs, meat, and vegies being an exception. She consumed mainly fruits, homemade nut milks, and pastas. I weaned her around 3 years and some months while I was now carrying her sibling.
Apart from all this, I was not happy with what I was seeing in the mirror. I got very slim, in addition to hair breakage and a bum that I once claimed was one of the best part of my physique. That opinion had now shifted. I usually enjoyed taking pictures of myself, that too was no longer a thing.
For my second pregnancy I was already feeling at my lowest, so nothing changed, only got worse. I went from being too slim due to heavy breast feeding, to thick and curvy with a fatter bum than I could have managed. An overall body size I did not like for myself. Not to mention when I walk, I felt very self-conscious especially about my thighs that were now touching each other. I could remember walking with my legs slightly more opened than usual so they don’t touch, and once I was in public I’d be over thinking the shit. It truly bothered me, and so being with my second child made me extremely self-conscious. My confidence was on the lower side by how slim I got from breastfeeding and then how thick my body got to accommodate the new pregnancy.
Nevertheless, I wanted to breastfed my second born and so I did. After around 7 months she accepted solids however once she was ready for her breast milk it better had been there. There was no substituting. She was breast fed for 3 plus years as well, and throughout that time I still did not feel at my best.
However, once I was done and I felt both her and I were ready, I made the decision to wean. But something happened after, just like it did for my first. I felt guilty because it felt as though I was taking away my baby’s comfort. I also became emotional because I now had to say no and constantly remind myself, they were getting older. The feeling lingered for about 2 to 3 weeks with both of my babies.
It’s been a good number of months now, not yet a year, but we’re good. Both my kids are picky eaters BUT thriving. My confidence is at the best it has been in years. I love my body once more, I enjoy looking at it, I feel confident in it. I feel great mentally. Not as emotional as before and I’m grateful to be at this stage where I’ve grown to like my small changes; my little tummy pouch. The new titties. The new shape of my ass, and well, my thighs.
I gave life, all praise to God.
