At 6 years old, you cannot fathom what life is. There is a lot I remember, but I’m sure, there’s also a lot I forgot. The most important people to you at that age are your parents or those you find comfort in. The year 1999 was a life-changing year for my sibling and I. I had no clue what was going on, but as I continued to live, the experience was mainly sorrowful, right up until my early adult years began. In my early childhood, having not many words, but being very reserved, and always crying, I was a sensitive child.
As time went by, a few things made sense to me. My mother was living in another country and we were extremely happy to speak to her on the phone when she called. As well as, unpack our barrels that came with toys, new clothes, chocolates, and other good stuff. Something else that made sense was that my father was a busy man working for his company, bending, cutting, and joining steel. During my teenage years, I became aware of what our reality was, and I disliked that experience so badly and desperately wanted it to be over. But I’ve since learned the importance of finding purpose in the pain.
Discomfort often feels like there’s no end in sight.
When you’re going through experiences, depending on your maturity and your ability to understand, it feels like it will never end. You begin to think that reality, can possibly be your reality for the rest of your life. I don’t regret that experience, and I’m also at peace with it. I understand it was necessary, and God allowed it to happen, so I can be molded into who He needed me to be. Going through high school I believe I was always connected to God, I purchased my first bible and would read it occasionally but I still did not understand who God is.
In 2020, and 2021 I went through a transformation period, I WAS SEARCHING, and I was also still upset with my mother for making her decision.
I allowed myself to be in that phase for a while to understand why I was upset with her. In my search, it all started to make sense; I got caught up in new age practices, however, that was shortly lived and in that period is where I discovered my purpose. I also came across a few teachings from Dr Myles Munroe who spoke heavily about purpose in those teachings and I dedicated time to listen to each while doing housework.
There’s purpose in the pain.
I have faith that I am living in purpose and that looks like being submitted to God so that He can use me to be the mother my kids need. I know what it feels like to not have the comfort of your mother around. To try to find comfort from my sibling because she alone felt like home to me. I might not have been at home with my kids but instead pursuing a career maybe in the justice system. But I remember how I felt in that season and that is something I would never want my kids to experience.
That is a life experience that cannot go to waste but instead, to apply the lessons to my real life. I have found my purpose because of my pain and I am grateful to God for using me, and I hope to always humble myself and do His will for as long as it takes and have faith to go where He leads me.
1 Timothy 6 states, “For the love of money is the ruth of all evil”. Not only do I believe this, but it is evident in this world. It truly hurts me when I see others solely chasing money and careers, and their kids are with complete strangers. Trying so hard to be secure in life yet neglecting what really matters in life. But they don’t consider it neglect.
I know what it feels like to take up my cross. I know what it feels like to deny myself, Matthew 16: 24-26. Living in purpose has taught me how to do so, and the Scriptures continue to comfort me, as I do so.
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