God Will. Not Mine

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33.

I quote this scripture from the bible because this is the scripture that made me draw closer to God because of how low I was feeling in the past. I believe this is the scripture that convicted me.

There are many things I desire and I get hung up on those desires. There are many plans in our mind, but according to The Word, it is the purpose of God that will stand.

I cannot state enough how alone my walk with Christ has been, (similar to my motherhood journey). Not being able to relate clearly with the people around me and, more so, have meaningful conversations. But I am not complaining because I find joy in being alone, I don’t have to, but I do. It is the place I dwell in, to create these posts.

This aloneness has never once made me feel the need to abandon my relationship with God. As I face trials and temptations, it has only drawn me closer to God. I still believe there will come a time when I’ll be able to have meaningful conversations with the people around me. But if that time does not come, what is most important to me is maintaining the relationship I have with God, and submitting myself to live according to God’s will, and not mine.

There have been times when I’ve fell short. For example, listening to certain types of music or even the way I respond to others without careful consideration. But that is why I need God because I am weak and I am aware of my weaknesses. But God’s word says in my weakness His power gives me strength, (2 Corinthians 9-11), and I believe this. How again can something be fixed if it is not broken? I was broken, and my spirit was sad, but I was never too broken or weak, for God to continue to operate in my life. A scripture in Matthew 11 states something like, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened.”

Desperate, is not a fruit of the spirit.

Living in an imperfect world it is easy to be distracted by worldly customs. As long as we physically live in this broken world, we as believers are called to seek God daily. We serve God in spirit and not in flesh, therefore many of our attacks from the enemy are in spiritual forms.

This season of my life in motherhood where I have submitted myself to my purpose, has made me desire a husband more than I’ve ever did before. But not only a husband but a God-fearing husband. A man who submits himself to God, and inner stand his purpose God has called him to.

When we’re so focused on our desires, we can sometimes operate from a place of desperation. I say this knowing I have been recently operating from a place of desperation. When this desperation occurred, I quickly wanted things to go my way. Meaning I was putting up a resistance against God’s will. It’s as if I was experiencing a fear of missing out. This made me anxious and scared of missing my potential blessing. I realized I was operating from a place of desperation after I felt the need to take certain actions as soon as possible, or else I’d miss out. That produced temporary stress. it’s like I slowly demoted God from being my Leader, my Guide, my Provider, all that. I had to, once more, accept the reality for what it is, and let go.

Our walk with God is individual.

Nothing, or no one else comes above God in my life. Everything and everyone else comes after, because God is my Enabler. I had to remind myself of this.

Spiritual warfare appears in various forms I’ve realized, and I believe we experience these multiple times daily. (Anxiety. Desperation. Fear. Losing hope. Worry.) We walk by Faith, and we believe in God, and His Word.

I’m grateful I held myself accountable. What I learned, (or probably was reminded of), is a man and woman can come together as husband and wife and they both can create a lovely family with kids. But, when we stand before God, we have to answer for ourselves. My husband cannot answer for me or the other way around. We being individuals have to each account for our life before our Creator.

And so, when I recently meditated on the scripture that convicted me in the past, and still does till this day. It says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness”. It is my responsibility to make sure I prioritize my relationship with my Creator and remain obedient to His rule above all else, first.

I think I’ll dwell on that one sentence, and not get hung up on the other part because that is the point. If we’re living in purpose, we don’t have to worry about how we will gain our desires, because it will happen as a result, of living in purpose.

And while I wait and trust in God believing this is His will for my life now. I walk in Faith, and remain, full, of self-control.