As I continue to become very much more in tune with who I am. I have been Intentionally working on my mental health. I had no choice but to sit and carefully analyze the people who I communicate with on a regular basis and their role play in my life. For some time now, my mom and I would butt heads, and I came to the realization that I am the one who would be more disturbed.
I usually would get really annoyed sometimes by the slightest things she says. From my view, I either consider it to be very provocative, controlling, or not considerate. Based on my responses, I do understand that my past could be a contributing factor.
Ever since my observation, I’ve made it a routine to talk to God regularly. I have been continuously praying for our relationship to become better.
In addition to prayers, I have been observing the triggers as they appear and choosing a different response, from how I usually would respond. I also intentionally communicate my feelings and I give suggestions to better the relationship.
But I honestly do not think she cares, simply because every time I try, she would brush me off.
We have never really sat and had a conversation to get to the root of the problem so that our relationship can progress positively.
There was a point in time when we never would get into disagreeable conversations, but as I mature, it seems like all our conversations become a disagreeable one.
Ever since having my first daughter, just about a few years back, there is this feeling I would get. I would become extremely worried, lose my appetite, and my body would usually feel so tense and stressed, and I would feel mentally drained.
I realized this was a reoccurring feeling and these feelings were triggered mainly after having a conversation with her. I also experienced these feelings a couple of weeks prior to her coming on vacation, and also a good few times throughout the vacation.
Once I stretch, journal, take a shower, read my bible, and sit in solitude, I am usually back to my usual self.
I do not like putting a label on my feelings, but anxiety is the best word to describe those feelings. I mean, I am speaking about the lady who birthed me and I wish to not feel this way.
Not to mention, constant prayers and taking a break, when necessary, have been working wonders in addition to working on my responses.
Speaking of responses, I am damn sure that department needed work. In the “heat” of it all, I be overreacting sometimes, to be honest, which clearly is not worth it.
What I have learned from it all, is that not saying anything sometimes, brings you more peace than actually saying something.
You cannot control what others do
but you can control how you respond…
I do not support children being disrespectful to their parents. As my kids grow my goal is to maintain a very strong relationship, and healthy environment where they can communicate their needs openly. Hence the reason I am doing my part as a child.
My intention behind this post is to share my story to help you on your journey. We are all a work in progress, if we will accept that.
