It is sacred. It’s not appreciated for what it is, but it’s also not innerstand, so it gets abused.
She felt inspired to write this. It is what she considers to be personal. But, upon feeling inspired, she thought of it as allowing herself to be led and going with the flow because she trusts her direction. She likes her privacy and some anonymity, and holds the opinion that a woman should keep some things to herself. However, for the sake of providing value, she becomes vulnerable.
In 2021, she knew she had to abstain from all sexual activities that involved another. It was more like a feeling of craving a deep emotional connection with her partner, and once that need was not met, experiencing sexual intercourse felt like an abuse of her physical body. Her journey since 2021 has been an experience back to self, one where she feels a growing connection with her being.
The start.
At the age of 19, about some months into finishing high school, was the age she shared her sexual energy intimately with another for the first time. They met each other at her childhood home for the first time, and their connection quickly grew once he offered to help her with her SBA. She was not expecting they’d be in an intimate relationship, but it quickly occurred after spending time together to complete her SBA. She was attracted to his mind and felt some type of way about his story, and he liked her naivety. Despite learning of his background, she did not mind being his Harley Quinn. Smiling… “I’m just kidding”.
She refuses to blame some parents for not having conversations about sexual intercourse. After all, maybe they themselves were not taught. And so, what is there to teach? Being the novice she was, she recalls her first experience as shameful, not fun, and very uncomfortable. Their relationship lasted around 5 years; they were in love. But eventually she realized her safety was important as well as the safety of her future kids.
Demonizing sexual energy.
Sexual energy seems to be demonized when it should be embraced because it is a part of who we are as human beings. It is that creative force that gives life. The creative force she felt connected to prior to becoming a mother.
Some people feel the energy, and they want speedy gratification to fulfill the desire that accompanies it. But feeling the energy is human, and it does not necessarily mean one must have sexual intercourse or quickly satisfy themself. It also isn’t calling you to suppress it. But feel it, acknowledge it, and be present with it. You have the freedom to now transmute; take a shower, go for a run, do something creative because sexual energy is creative energy. That is your energy, it is good, not bad, and you choose how you use it. You can use it for good or for bad.
The culture of casual sex seems common. She can only assume one reason is because some experience the energy within themselves, and they aren’t educated on the different ways they can use it other than for sexual intercourse.
Her Vivid Imagination.
There’s someone she was speaking to, and she studied his sexual desires after he revealed them to her. It was such a perfect reflection, one that she was unaware of in the moment, but made sense as time went by. We cannot run from our energy. When we suppress it, it will eventually show up in one way or another. To the same person, she mentioned she does not need help from any external source. As early as her late teenage years, she created fantasies in her mind. She usually uses her mind to create the experience she wants, and when she does, her body responds. Such as it vibrates, sweats, cry… In doing this, she does not need another human or thing to have such an experience with herself.
From time to time, she craves intimacy with the opposite sex. Not very much sexually, but more so emotionally and spiritually. Someone whom she also imagines being intimately committed to. But at the same time, she enjoys being to herself. It’s like freedom and having the ability to connect with herself and learn more about her capabilities.
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